when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
