he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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