What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
