Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
