Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
