1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
