Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
