He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
