im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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