Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
