Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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