Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
