So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
