Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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