tell your sister to shave her snatch
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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