where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my poor anus
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
we should paint friendship bongs
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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