I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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