my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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