Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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