Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Panties = found
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
