I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
