well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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