Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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