Already got asked if we're dating
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
