after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
