WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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