So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
