Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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