god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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