if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
