She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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