I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
