You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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