There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
