Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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