I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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