I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
