apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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