I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
