i barfeds in our rink
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
