then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
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We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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