I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
