Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
