walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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