I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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