Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
