Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They took my balls.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The air taste purple.
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