we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
