and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I didn't notice because vodka
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
