So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
