Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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