Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
