ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
