my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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