Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
whose parrot is this?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
