I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
People in love make me want to vomit
ugly people sure do ruin things
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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