Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
