You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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