RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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