He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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