Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Still dying that you shit outside
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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