im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
soo... how was my night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
