I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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