Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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